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First of all, my grandma died on May 4th. She was actually my step-grandma, married to my mom's dad, but they had been married before I was even born so I'd always called her grandma. She had been sick with cancer for quite a while so it wasn't a surprise, but still upset a lot of people. Don't get me wrong, it was extremely sad but I wasn't as close to her as many other people were so I didn't take it as hard I guess. So I went back to Idaho for a few days-unplanned trip and I had not made the drive by myself in quite some time but I made it fine. The funeral started to seem more like a church service, and I didn't really see why, but oh well. And I didn't cry, but I rarely cry at funerals. I guess I'm odd. I saw my family and tried to avoid most other people in the small area I am from. I'm not all that social of a person a lot of the time and I only care to see people I want to see. I am mostly like this about people from the past, AKA people I went to HS with. So I avoided the local Walmart, the one place everyone shops! But I did go to see my friend Tabitha. I've known her since third grade and we've had a lot of time apart off and on since then but she's a good friend still today. She has two kids and a husband now. It is strange sometimes seeing her now...I want to preface this by saying she is still a very pretty girl, don't get me wrong. But in high school (and a few years after) she was always fairly thin and fit society's definition of gorgeous. Not that she ever cared about that. She was never concerned about being popular and she is definitely a quirky girl with her own personality. :) But now she has gained quite a bit of weight and tells me she is somewhat depressed and often doesn't feel good about herself. I wish I could be there to be a good friend and help her feel better. But being around her family also got me thinking. I don't know if I'll ever want to have kids. I've felt this way since I was a teenager, honestly, and even though there have been a couple times that I thought I may feel differently I know that I really don't. And it's not because I look at her kids and think "ew", lol. It's because I can never see myself wanting to have that responsibility. And, well, the boyfriend feels differently. I was pretty sure of that when I first started thinking about it in Idaho and I clarified it when I got home. I asked him if his opinion on it was "No, maybe leaning toward no, maybe leaning toward yes, or yes." But he also said not to worry about it right now because he's not wanting to have them right now! I don't think he was even maybe leaning toward yes though...I'm pretty sure he was yes. But I'm not dwelling on it, which is surprising for me. I'm living for now when it comes to this.
Well, there are more things that can be talked about right now, including the talk I had with my mom regarding childhood, getting in a little trouble at work, and sleep deprivation, but I have done nothing today and I really need to get to work. Perhaps I'll get the ambition to post later?
