One quick note

It's probably an obvious point, but...it's hard to train at a new job when your trainer takes time off. Now it's time to run back and forth from my corner to find out information on things I don't know. Exercise is a good thing I suppose! Especially when the person training me brought in donuts today. *sigh* So much for ice cream after work, I've had too much other stuff.

An Evening at Home

I don't have to try to get some evening sleep. I'm not going to the boyfriend's tonight. I didn't last night either. It's strange, two nights apart. Better for my sleep schedule I suppose. But not so good for my paranoid side that won't SHUT UP! The side that says "why doesn't he want to see me tonight?" Even though he told me he has chores and odds and ends to catch up on. And a big part of me is fine with staying home, because I do like my alone time. Neither of us get as much alone time as we did before we met one another. I guess that obviously happens in a relationship. The thing is, we both value it. But I have this little voice in my head that tells me that something could be wrong when he isn't dying to see me every night. Even if I'm not necessarily dying to see him that night. I make no sense. He really is sweet to me. Randomly brings me flowers from plants that he sees..and occasionally buys them as well. Buys me dinners...I have randomly found money in my purse and I know he put it there. *sigh* I really annoy myself.

I have seizures. This may seem like a random subject change but bear with me. They started in high school and I certainly wasn't thrilled. I went to a few annoying doctors, including a complete quack, until I finally found a decent one about five years later. I'm not going into the details of that search right now. My seizures aren't what most people think of when they think of seizures. They are called 'complex partial seizures' and I basically stare off into space for 30 seconds or so, then I am extremely tired with a headache afterward. I'll generally choose to go to sleep if I'm in an environment where that is possible. The seizures are short but I feel like they last a long time. I have wondered in the past and still wonder now if my brain decided to start having them because I think too much, and it's a way of cutting that off for a bit. Its way of telling itself to shut up for a while. I believe my mom originally came up with that theory, ha. I know it's scientifically impossible, but I wouldn't blame my brain for wanting to stop thinking sometimes. Seizures are not the answer, though.

Lyrics I Love :) -- Calling You by Blue October

Calling You- Blue October

There's something that I can't quite explain
I'm so in love with you
You'll never take that away
And if I've said it a hundred times before
Expect a thousand more
You'll never take that away
So expect me to be
Calling you to see
If you're okay when I'm not around
Asking if you love me
I love the way you make it sound
Calling you to see
Do I try too hard to make you smile?
To make a smile

[Chorus]
I will keep calling you to see
If you're sleeping, are you dreaming
If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me
I can't believe you actually picked me

I thought that the world had lost it's sway
(It's so hard sometimes)
Then I fell in love with you
(Then came you)
And you took that away
It's not so difficult
The world is not so difficult
You take away the old
Show me the new
And I feel like I can fly when I stand next to you
So while I'm on this phone
A hundred miles from home
I'll take the words you gave and send them back to you

I only want to see
If you're okay when I'm not around
Asking if you love me
I love the way you make it sound
Calling you to see
Do I try too hard to make you smile?
To make a smile
[Chorus]

My Saturday

My Saturday definitely turned into my Sunday. I took Friday off so maybe that is part of the reason why. You see, most of the time on Sunday I stay in my pajamas/sweats all day, don't leave the house, and basically spend all my time on the computer or sleeping. This day turned out that way and for the most part it was because I didn't spend it with my boyfriend. He has only been in my life for four months, sheesh! What did I do before him? Generally I'd force myself to at least go to the mall or something along those lines. Sometimes I have a friend who wants to hang out but she was often unavailable for a good six months due to her boyfriend she had met. But really, I was a very unhappy person before meeting the guy in my life now. I went into a makeup message board to have social interaction! And work was really my only other means. But I stuck to it after moving here, unlike when I moved to California for a couple months after college. For some reason I never got to a point where I wanted to leave...well I started to think looking for a job in FL might be a good idea right before I met the boyfriend. My best friend all through college lives there. But definitely a good idea I didn't go...imagine my mood in that heat! Even with A/C.

Anyway, that was a tangent that I went off on that I didn't set out to do. Back to my Saturday. I'm at the boyfriend's apartment rather than at home. Another big reason I didn't leave I think. I have a whole apartment to myself, rather than a room to myself like I do at my own place. I haven't had an apartment to myself since I lived in Idaho. I love where I live now compared to the apartment I previously lived in. Ever lived with a bunch of guys in their early 20's? I hope no one who reads this has. Only one was supposed to live there but he had friends stay all the time and I was too passive to say anything. The place became hell on earth to look at and I just stayed in my room when I was home, unless I had to go to the bathroom. It was my best friend's brother too and she was supposed to live there as well but she had started staying with her boyfriend long ago and so the brother had taken over. I probably would have gone insane eventually but I met the boyfriend before I did and was able to escape the place fairly often for the last few months of living there. Now I owe the complex a ton of money for damages. Ain't life grand?

Wow, my brain is going all directions tonight. This isn't unusual. It's usually going all directions. Sometimes I wonder if I have ADD, ha. I've always been someone who thinks constantly. I think it's a curse, but it can be a blessing in some ways I guess. But now it seems I think of a bunch of different things all the time. Is it just more on my mind? Who knows. I take a million prescriptions with a billion side effects. So that could be one of them. How's that for exaggeration?

Well I think I'll get going for now. This is definitely a post with some random thoughts...and pointless information! Time to go stare at the TV, and fight my craving for cookies and cream ice cream.

Pasty White

Should this be the term used to describe me? Here's the explanation. Since changing to the new position at work I'm back in a corner so I don't see others a lot. One girl I used to consider myself pretty good friends with. She tends to make jokes a lot and others find her really entertaining, including myself. When I do make it out of my corner to socialize, I see her once in a while. EVERY TIME I see her lately, she says something about me being extremely white. This has been going on since the 4th of July because I remember her saying something about it after coming back after that weekend. "You're the only one that came back after this weekend whiter!" she said jokingly. It's finally starting to get on my nerves. No, I don't get out a lot in the sun. Being hot makes me irritable, I take a med that makes me sensitive to it, but really I don't want to have bad skin when I get older. I like myself better somewhat when I'm tan but I guess not enough to put in the effort and cause the damage...at least not yet. I'm beginning to like hanging out in the corner and hiding my pasty white skin. But maybe I won't have too many wrinkles in my 60's!

Work

So I don't want to be here. At all. I was okay when I was getting ready this morning but now that I'm here I'm irritable and feel like throwing things. Which wouldn't be hard around here. My desk is fairly chaotic and the desk I sit next to is even worse. And my butt hurts. This training chair and my butt don't get along. I could go get the chair from my desk but it would make this desk seem more permanent somehow. I could really use more padding on my butt. Take some fat out of my stomach please. Usually women my size have a bigger butt than I do. But no, my weight all resides in front so my behind can hurt while I sit at my desk all day. Learning everything in this new job is difficult and is going to take a while. I know this. I was told this. But a lot of things would make the process better I think. Including a softer chair.

Billing

I think I came up with a motto for my new job..."Always be Prepared"
Does that sound familiar? :)