An Evening at Home

I don't have to try to get some evening sleep. I'm not going to the boyfriend's tonight. I didn't last night either. It's strange, two nights apart. Better for my sleep schedule I suppose. But not so good for my paranoid side that won't SHUT UP! The side that says "why doesn't he want to see me tonight?" Even though he told me he has chores and odds and ends to catch up on. And a big part of me is fine with staying home, because I do like my alone time. Neither of us get as much alone time as we did before we met one another. I guess that obviously happens in a relationship. The thing is, we both value it. But I have this little voice in my head that tells me that something could be wrong when he isn't dying to see me every night. Even if I'm not necessarily dying to see him that night. I make no sense. He really is sweet to me. Randomly brings me flowers from plants that he sees..and occasionally buys them as well. Buys me dinners...I have randomly found money in my purse and I know he put it there. *sigh* I really annoy myself.

I have seizures. This may seem like a random subject change but bear with me. They started in high school and I certainly wasn't thrilled. I went to a few annoying doctors, including a complete quack, until I finally found a decent one about five years later. I'm not going into the details of that search right now. My seizures aren't what most people think of when they think of seizures. They are called 'complex partial seizures' and I basically stare off into space for 30 seconds or so, then I am extremely tired with a headache afterward. I'll generally choose to go to sleep if I'm in an environment where that is possible. The seizures are short but I feel like they last a long time. I have wondered in the past and still wonder now if my brain decided to start having them because I think too much, and it's a way of cutting that off for a bit. Its way of telling itself to shut up for a while. I believe my mom originally came up with that theory, ha. I know it's scientifically impossible, but I wouldn't blame my brain for wanting to stop thinking sometimes. Seizures are not the answer, though.