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PS-While writing this I found a gray hair growing on my arm with all the brown ones. What the hell? I'm only 27!!!
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Fat is Me
So I've looked at the scale a few times lately...appears I'm gaining weight. I've been surprised it has taken this long to start. I've been eating really bad for a long time and my body got back up to a certain weight once I started eating bad and kind of stayed there for quite some time. The strange thing is, I've had more than one person ask me if I've lost weight! That would normally have me questioning if the scale is messed up but clothes are fitting differently too. I sat down at my desk when I got to work this morning, and looked down to see my stomach sticking out and hitting the desk. GROSS! At that moment I thought "I've got to start doing better." About 30 seconds later I heard candy being poured in the dish behind me. What the hell? Who has it in for me? Yes, a normal person could probably hav e a few and get on with his or her life. But this is me we're talking about. Almost anything chocolate I will sample each time I walk by until it is gone. I am an overeater when it comes to sweets, and a binge eater at times as well. I love chocolate, peanut butter, ice cream, cookies, cake, etc. I've loved most food, especially sweets, since I was a kid and so I've had a weight problem since then. I wasn't born with one, I guess. I was only 5 lbs 3 oz! But I know I had one by kindergarten...sooner but I'm not sure how early. Maybe having nicotine in my system while I smoked for a year sped up my metabolism? Or going off the pill made me gain a little weight rather than lose? It doesn't really matter, it's only a measly 10 lbs. When you get to my size that's not really incredibly significant. I mean, it isn't something you want to gain but it's not like someone in the lower 100's gaining it. People I'm close to know I have a real problem with food, mostly sweets. Most people don't really understand it though. "Just have a little bit" they say. Or they tell me to pass it up. Great idea, don't get me wrong. But if I had the willpower to do that I'd probably be 100 lbs lighter right now. Oh happy day!
PS-While writing this I found a gray hair growing on my arm with all the brown ones. What the hell? I'm only 27!!!
PS-While writing this I found a gray hair growing on my arm with all the brown ones. What the hell? I'm only 27!!!
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3 comments:
Oh dear. I hate it when we have moments of clarity or when we realize something about ourselves that we don't like. It can be the most depressing thing in the world. It can really hurt the heart.
You are in a relationship... why did you go off the pill?! You don't think maybe you could be... *ahem* baking a bun in the oven? You do look like you've lost weight- maybe you are gaining muscle, or your weight is shifting to different parts of your body-- which can raise your weight but it will go back down.
I NEVER get on a scale. EVER. Even at the Drs office, I always refuse. It is too traumatic for me! I can't handle it, so I only go by how my clothes feel. I understand what you mean when people say oh have a little bit... its like if you have a little bit, the addiction will blow up and make it harder to limit yourself. Those people just don't understand!
Hang in there Melissa.
One more thing. Wait until you get grey hair down there!!!
Pretty quiet lately, you ok?
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