Goals?

Goals are something the counselor brought up a couple weeks ago. Short-term and long-term goals. I haven't really thought about serious goals in a long time. I mean, the last time I had what I truly consider "goals" in mind dates back to high school and college. Back when the world seemed a little more inviting. :) So we talked about a couple...trying to get a little healthier, doing a few things for myself to make me feel better about myself in general. Put some damn makeup on! So far, meh. I'm bouncing back and forth. As I do on most things. I'll do well some days, not as well other days. Or I'll do well part of the day and not as well the rest of the day. I'm trying to stay in the mindset that doing bad for one day doesn't mean to throw everything out the window.


On Saturday night I went down to the boyfriend's work to meet him during his lunch, which happened to be 3:30am. I have probably mentioned that he works night shift before. I blog so sporadically anymore I have a hard time keeping track of what I have written. It was a nice night so we just sat outside and enjoyed the air. He began asking me about my goals. Has he been hanging out with my shrink?? I don't have any goals! I'm a nearly 30-year-old goal-less female. He asked about owning a house, financial, etc. I know I'd love to have a house someday, but it brings me to my problem I've had for quite some time- I don't know if I want to live in this area for the rest of my life. But I know he does. And I always imagined myself married before committing to buying a home. Goals and committing to them scare me. What if I'm too immature for this relationship? Wouldn't that be great? It's not like we both have jobs in my home area calling us or something. Nor would that ever happen, most likely. Buying a house probably won't be on the table anytime soon, anyway, nor the prospect of marriage, largely due to some credit cards I owe money on. I don't have bad credit, I just owe money. Right now it's probably a good thing; it gives me time on decision-making. I can't imagine making the commitment to a home and marriage without being sure...but will I ever be sure? I'm acting like he proposed or something-I know that's not the case, and we have only skimmed the surface of the home topic. But we have been together for over two years now. Blah, my brain is in turmoil right now. I need to be at least five years younger.