Getting shrunk (shrank?)

Another Monday is almost here so I am starting on my endless cycle of going to bed too late and not getting enough sleep. At least this is a short week, since I am taking Friday off to go to Leavenworth with the boyfriend to spend a couple of days. I am quite happy we are going-getting away is nice and I have never been there. We're staying at a bed and breakfast and the room looks beautiful. If only we both get out of bed to enjoy our stay-even noon would be nice. The night person I am by nature has definitely been in full force for quite some time now, and it's starting to get to me. I do crave daylight and sunny days...not that we've been getting a lot of sunny days around here lately. But I'm pretty sure the weather was fairly nice this weekend and I didn't get to enjoy any of it, because I was sleeping. The boyfriend brings out that person in me even more, because he's a creature of the night (lol) and always works night shifts. He will always want to work those shifts; he feels he is pretty much incapable of getting up and having a morning job. So the only way I will get out of this cycle is to pull myself out of it. I've been this way for quite some time though. We'll see...

As for the subject of my post...I've decided to see a counselor. I've probably needed to do so for years and it has just been easier to put off. My lack of happiness lately for reasons I can't pin down, combined with issues in my life I know I need to resolve, led me to decide to see one. The first appointment is a free consultation to see if we "mesh". Well, that appointment was supposed to be on Wednesday but somehow her schedule and my schedule got mixed up and she had me down for this Wednesday. So, my first appointment went well, ha. We'll try again this week-she called and left me a personal apology so that was nice. I've never been to a counselor before so I'm not sure how it will be. I just know I want a female one-probably due to my issues being comfortable around men. I hope the door I'm about to open is not too painful or scary. I mean, what if I get pushed further toward a nervous breakdown because I start talking about things I've pushed aside? Ugh. Oh well, I'm going to go. Feeling unhappy for no apparent reason even when I'm taking an antidepressant is pissing me off. Ugh, again. I analyze myself too much. It's just who I am...can someone make me happy-go-lucky please?

Wax On...Wax Hair Off!

My arms are driving my crazy-well, one arm in particular. And honestly, they were one of the few parts of my body that didn't drive me crazy, except that they're rather short compared to my torso. Anyway, one day a month or two ago I was sitting at my desk, talking to a couple people I work with. You can't help being around conversation in my row, that's for sure. Anyway, a coworker (a rather loud, but nice enough one) made a comment that has made me self-conscious ever since. I'll call her Michelle, because she likes President Obama so much I think she would be his wife in a heartbeat (and I don't mean that as an insult to her or the president). Anyway, she was sitting next to the girl across from me and she asked me out of the blue if I was Italian. I told her no and asked why, and she said because my arms were so hairy! She could only see my left arm at the time. The other girl laughed at Michelle a bit like she couldn't believe what she just said and chastised her a bit. I wasn't sure what to see, so I just said thanks and laughed. Michelle told me she didn't mean it as an insult and it's considered sexy by some and blah blah blah...but now my arms bother me! Especially my left one, it's much hairier and darker than the other one. All my body hair is dark, damn it. From my beard that I can grow as thick as a man's to the hair that decides to grow on top of my big toes. Oh, and I really am female, I promise.

The arms were never that big of deal to me. Plenty of women have some arm hair. Legs, even on top of the feet. But the beard that comes from the PCOS, and the excess hair on the upper lip have driven me crazy for years. Mostly the beard. And now there's much more obvious excess hair on my chest as well, because I made the mistake of shaving instead of bleaching a couple years ago. I'd make one sexy man! :) But I'm never going to start shaving my arms. That is something I will not get in the habit of doing. But oh how I'm tempted to go get them waxed just to see how it turns out. I think I wonder how many people have thought "her arms are hairy" over the years and not said anything. I like to push my sleeves up to my elbows, and I've started to cringe when I look down at my arms when I'm typing at work. Thanks for letting me know, Michelle!

Oh So Exciting

It's 4:30am and I'm watching Netflix and...well I guess that's all. Not much interesting going on at this very moment. I've discovered I like the show "Brothers and Sisters" so I'm watching the first season. Despite being a drama primarily, I find myself laughing at various parts. Another work week is not that far away. I slept until 7pm Saturday so I haven't even been up for twelve hours. It's weird, sometimes I think of a lot to say and times like now, there's not much of anything. I think I'm in blah mode. The boyfriend and I supposed to go to Leavenworth in a few weeks so that should be fun. I've never been there. Hmm, okay, I'm boring and I'm going.