I SO Don't Want to be Here

You guessed it, I'm at work. I really don't know what my problem is. I've had much, much worse jobs that this one. This job saved me from the Safeway deli and I will be forever grateful. Well, not this exact job but the company anyway. This is not a bad place to work by any means. I have a nice, cool boss and most of my coworkers are cool to be around as well. Let me put it this way- as much as I complain about one of them, it isn't at the point where that person picks on me or anything so I can deal with it usually. But most days I truly find myself wishing I was somewhere else. I certainly wouldn't say ANYWHERE else, but somewhere else. The problem is, I don't know where. In a gorgeous house on a beach next to the ocean? Sure, that sounds great. But lets get serious...

Obviously I wasn't born into a trust fund or I would have talked about it by now. And I don't think I'd be working full-time. Probably volunteering and vacationing a lot. It has been 10 years since I graduated high school and I was the valedictorian of my class, though it was quite small. When I graduated high school people expected me to do something with my life. I expected me to do something with my life. Sure, I received college degrees but all I have to show for it now is a ton of debt. Why do I still think I need to find a field that "means" something to me, or that I feel like I was meant to do? I know a lot of people who go through life not doing something that they feel they were "meant" to do. My mom is an administrative assistant for an accounting firm, and she enjoys her job, but I doubt she feels like it was her calling. Most of the things I think it would be wonderful to do are extremely difficult to get into anyway. I think it would be great to be a writer, but I haven't written anything in ages and I don't even have any ideas anymore. Photography is something that I really like, but that's a pipe dream as well. I may have a slight knack for seeing pretty pictures, but it takes a lot more than that. And there's a part of me that would still like to go back to school and get my master's and become a counselor, but I'm still not sure that's what I want and I better be pretty damn sure before I even try to work something like that out.

Hmm...I guess that's all my brain can come up with in this area for now. I really don't know what I'm searching for, but will I know when I find it? Or perhaps I'm just being my whiny self.